


Everyday A Little Death

by Anonymous



Series: Tony and Peter Stark's Anon Compilation [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blowjobs, Bottom!Peter, Daddy Kink, He fits the mould too well, Hurt/Comfort, I decided to use Beck as my past bad guy after seeing ffh, I'll update tags as I write and know what's happening, M/M, Not IW compliant, Nothing between Tony and Peter, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Fantasy, SET AFTER HOMECOMING, first (real) time, kinda darkerish Peter Parker, prob gonna be kinky all around, top!tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:47:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17348021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Peter is really trying his best. He's trying to be okay, to keep up his puppy dog front for the world. But a lifetime of secrets weighs on him no matter what he does and he doesn't know how much longer he can bear it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, I don't have a clear direction for this fic yet so if you want to comment ideas or kinks or whatever your interested in seeing I'd be happy to see what you want.

_Hands wander across his body and he bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from making a sound. He wants to beg and scream and cry but he knows it isn’t going to help. He knows he will only be punished for it. His breaths come in great heaving gasps as pain blooms throughout his body .Bruises on his ribs. Scratches on his back. Objects forced into him until he feels like he’s going to split apart. He’s too small, just too small to withstand the torment he’s being forced to endure. The pain becomes too much and he opens his mouth in a silent scream as he feels himself pulled into oblivion._

 

Peter wakes to the sound of his own voice shouting out in the darkness, the pitch black surroundings playing tricks on his brain as he feels like he sees figures moving about around him, ready to strike. 

 

He nearly jumps and lands on the ceiling when he feels a hand brush his shoulder and he scrambles to the other side of the bed when he hears a soft, “Shhh... Peter. It’s me honey.” 

 

The boy sighs in relief after he places the voice, “Aunt May?” He hates how croaky his voice sounds, how childlike, “D-did I wake you?” 

 

She eases herself gently onto the bed as if she were approaching a wild animal that she was trying not to spook, “Don’t worry about that… are you alright?”

 

“Yeah,” he lies, “of course.” He moves so that he’s sitting in a more natural position next to her.

 

May looks at him for a few moments, lips slightly parted as she seems to be weighing her words, “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you like that.” She finally settles on. 

 

Peter knows she in’t trying to be scrutinizing, she’s just concerned, however he just wants to be alone. He forces a smile, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s just a stupid dream.”

 

“It isn’t stupid if it’s making you feel like this…” He knows she’s prying for information without trying to demand it of him. Fortunately for Peter, he has always known how to play off his night terrors and to get her to believe him.

 

“It’s just… I keep thinking about homecoming.” He lies expertly, looking down at his hands and playing with a hangnail, “I keep thinking about Liz and her dad and what I did to that family. I know Mr. Toomes was a bad man but…” He lets his voice trail off as if he didn’t know what he was trying to say.

 

“You still feel guilty.” May finishes for him softly and he nods. It isn’t wholly a lie. He does feel bad for what he put Liz through from dumping her to getting her father arrested, even if she only knows about one of those things, “Well, you did the right thing honey, we both know that.” She says as she runs her fingers through his hair lovingly, “If you ever need to talk to anyone I’m here, or we could find a therapist if that would make you more comfortable,”  _ Yeah right, like he could tell May what’s really wrong, and they couldn’t even afford a therapist, _ “or I’m sure you could talk to Mr. Stark if you needed to. Maybe it would be easier to talk to someone with a similar… lifestyle. He’s supported Spider-Man through everything else.” 

 

Peter smiles and nods even as his brain shouts at him  _ Absolutely not! _ There is no way he could ever tell Tony any of this without dying of shame but still he concedes, to hopefully get May’s mind off of it, “Thanks Aunt May,” he says, and for good measure adds, “I larbe you.” 

 

May laughs and kisses him on the forehead, “Larbe you too Peter. Now try and get some rest. You’ve got school tomorrow.”

 

He lays down and pulls the covers back over him. Once she exists the room his mind fills with thoughts of his dreams. He’s gotten good over the years at compartmentalizing, putting his thoughts away so May and Ben wouldn’t be suspicious until he had a chance to be alone to process them. Well… process them as best as he can. Peter buries his face in the pillow and sobs silently, something else he perfected over time, the pillowcase beneath him gets soaked and he knows he won’t be able to stop any time soon. Even as he weeps he sighs, his logical brain still functioning through his emotional response and really… he’s mainly just annoyed he isn’t going to get much rest before school.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day he is sluggish through school even though he drinks like three of the canned coffees he keeps in his backpack, his metabolism always working on overdrive it takes a lot to get caffeine to affect him. He barely pays attention in school, these days it’s really difficult for him to sit in a classroom and focus when his mind can think of a million different things he could be doing like looking for criminals, helping those who need it, or experimenting with Tony in the lab. Fuck he wishes he could be with the man right now, why doesn't he just test out of high school again? He could become a Stark intern, a real one, or he could try and blow through college as fast as he can. Both Tony and May told him not to do that, to enjoy his time in school and make proper memories but really… what would he be missing out on? Ned really is his only friend and they can always hang out after school. Hell, Ned is smart enough that they could probably test out early together.

 

The day passes by in a blur and soon enough he’s high-fiving Ned goodbye and he makes his way to his usual alley to slip into his Spidey suit. Soon enough he’s swinging away to Stark towers and is landing on Tony’s balcony. He slides the mask up enough to let FRIDAY scan his eye and confirm his voice as he’s let into the penthouse. Peter smiles when he sees Tony sprawled out on the floor, legs crossed with holograms surrounding him coming from a dozen different Stark pads circling him, “Hey, Mr. Stark.” He says, tummy fluttering as it always does around the man.

 

“Hey Pete, how’s my favorite wallcrawler doing?” Tony says without looking up from whatever project he’s working on at the moment.

 

“Alright…” Peter replies, blushing at the compliment even though he knows the man doesn’t mean anything by him. Obviously, like… why would Tony feel the same way as Peter does? The boy knows he’s fucked up to have this lifelong infatuation but he knows he’s been fuckedup for a long time so he tries not to dwell on it. He snaps himself out of his daze once Tony starts talking.

 

“There’s some sort of issue in the core of the new lightweight mini reactors we’re trying to produce. I want to figure it out before I send it off to the labs, won’t risk my employees getting hurt over a faulty design of mine.”   
  
“What if you get hurt, sir?” Peter asks as he pulls off the mask and comes to kneel on the other side of Tony’s holograms.

 

“Well… my fault for making a shitty product.” Tony laughs it off, “It’s fine. I wear the nanotech in the lab to stop anything super crazy from going wrong but… I’ve done this for awhile kid, I know how to handle it.” The man smirks over at Peter through the blue glow of the lights.

 

Peter blushes and looks down, “Of course sir, I didn’t mean to imply anything else.”

 

The boy is so embarrassed Tony can’t help but laugh, he always seems so shy whenever the man teases him in any way and truth be told Tony can’t really get enough. He loves watching that sweet little face blush for him, “Relax Peter, you’re always so formal. You know I’m messing with you.”

 

The boy’s blush only deepens and he still can’t meet Tony’s eyes. Instead he diverts the conversation, “Can I help you with this in the lab later?” he asks.

 

Tony moves some parts around on the hologram and nods absentmindedly, “That would be great, just make sure to keep the suit on for protection.” He says, “Actually if you could heading there now and get a few things prepped I should have the schematics outlined by the time you’re done. 

 

Peter hops up and nods, “Yes Mr.Stark.” He memorizes the list of things Tony tells him to set up and heads down to the lab.

 

Tony can’t help but stare at the kid’s ass as he walks away. He knows he’s a dirty old man for the feelings he has towards his young protege. He’s Peter’s mentor, a father figure, a hero, he won’t go ruining those with his perverted desires. He has allowed himself a look but don’t touch policy and a don’t look unless Peter isn’t paying attention policy which is often. The boy reminds Tony so much of himself, whenever there’s a project to do or a problem to solve Peter is in his own head until he figures it out. It’s one of the millions of things that Tony can admit to himself and no one else that he loves about Peter. 

 

He can’t show his affections in the way he wants so he makes a promise to himself that he will be the best damn mentor Peter ever had from superheroes to science to relationships if that’s what the boy needs and Tony constantly has to remind himself that it’s a good thing when interns look at the boy when the go to SI and that he can’t be jealous or else it will just end up harming Peter. Curiously (but Tony won’t lie and say he isn’t thankful) it’s as if Peter doesn’t notice anyone when they look at him, when they try to flirt. The boy has always had trouble with eye contact and it took months of working together one-on-one for the man to get Peter to slowly get more comfortable and look at him when he’s speaking. The man always wonders why the boy is so shy but be able to swing to the rescue of some poor old lady in Queens? He supposes however that’s just another thing he admires about the kid… he helps people no matter how he feels. Perhaps, he’s more confident in the suit where no one knows who he is and it’s not like he can even make eye contact through the mask.

 

Tony joins the boy in the lab about twenty minutes later. He imports the designs and blows them up, “Alright kid, you ready?” He ask sas he taps his watch, the nanotech spreading out to create a barrier in case of a misstep, “Put your mask on.”

 

They work of hours, creating, testing, and perfecting the device. By the time they’re done it’s almost night but Peter doesn’t worry, May knows he’s going to be out late and honestly being here with Tony is his favorite place.

 

“Okay I think we are good.” Tony says and Peter pulls off his mask as the man deactivates the nanobots. The young boy watches as Tony stretches, the white tank top he’s wearing rides up and Peter’s mouth almost waters at the thin strip of skin that’s exposed on his stomach. Really, he needs to get a hold of himself. The way he feels about Tony Stark is dirty and filthy and wrong and the guilt that floods him everytime he gets a semi from something his mentor does makes him want to die in shame. He doesn’t really know why he feels this way. He’s always associated Tony Stark with sex, ever since he was a boy. The man’s posters on the wall while he’s being held down by a man five times his age and fucked into his matress. Tony’s speeches are what he would always put on and turn the volume up super loud whenever he would have a panic attack or would have to cryand didn’t want May to notice or would have to clean himself up in the bathroom and didn’t want his neighbors to hear his whimpers. So why when he got older did he cum harder from Tony’s press conferences than from any porn he could find? Why was there not a single person that sparked a flame of lust inside him like the man who is washing his hands in the sink on the other side of the room?

 

Really Peter knows why. The man made him feel safe. Peter made Tony into an object of comfort in a difficult time and it truly was all over when he was saved by the man during the convention when he was eight. Peter knew he would never love anyone the way he loved Tony Stark so he will have to settle with doing his best to just be the man’s friend. He shouldn’t even think too much into it anyway, he knows where the life of a hero goes and with the way things have been going he’s sure he will be dead before the age of twenty-five. The thought doesn’t really bother Peter, he’s truly done enough for one lifetime, the only reason he cares even a little bit is because he has to take care of May. He will do his best to live for her and for Ned. He’s made it this far at least.

 

Tony orders a pizza for them to share and they talk about their project and Peter laughs at Tony’s story about the executive who gave a whole presentation with his fly down and Tony laughs at a stupid joke Ned told Peter. The boy thinks this is the happiest he will ever be in this little pocket of time that he can pretend he has a domestic life with Tony and as he readies himself and swings back home he doesn’t know that Tony is thinking exactly the same thing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry I haven't posted much I just got a new job and shit has been crazy. I also have been struggling on this chapter because I know I want X to happen but getting there is a struggle. As always feel free to comment things you might want to see and maybe it will jog some of my creative juices lol

Peter crawls through the window of May’s apartment. He falls from the ceiling and pulls off his mask, his face flushed but not from the energy it took to get home. He keeps thinking about Tony… about the way his arms flex when he’s working on a project. About the treasure trail of hair that leads down to a cock that the boy has only ever dreamed of before. Is it long and thin? Shorter but fat? Is it veiny? Does it flush dark red? Does it lean to the side?

 

“Fuck.” Peter mumbles as the front of his suit tightens and his tries to shift his cock through the tight fabric. He closes the door, May obviously knows he’s Spider-Man by this point but he still doesn’t want her seeing him change. Stripping out of the suit he sighs in relief as his cock is freed. He lays on his bed and slips a hand inside his tight black thong and grips himself idly. He has to wear the thong because everything else bunches up under his suit, sue him it’s not a big deal, as long as no one else finds out. The material is soft against his knuckles and small puffs of breath escape him as he slowly starts stroking his cock. Every upward motion he gives a little twist of his wrist like he read about online and it feels so good.

 

Masturbating has always been weird. He’s never quite felt like he was doing it right and it took years to ignore the overwhelming panic and guilt that would settle into his gut whenever the pleasure would start to build. He can’t remember a time when he didn’t know what stroking a cock did for a person but it took until he was about sixteen for him to have an orgasm without crying, but still it happens sometimes. His brain can get carried away from him and all of a sudden he’s on the same bunk bed he sleeps on now but everything is much bigger and there are men in his room.

 

These thoughts though he pushes away in favor of thinking about Tony. The more he got to know the man the more infatuated he became. It’s wrong to think of his mentor, his friend this way… but pretending like he’s still the celebrity, playboy Tony Stark the boy grew up idolizing makes it slightly easier. Peter has always wanted to be like Tony; smart, calculating, ruthless, someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to go after it. Tony Stark wants money then he creates a new technology. He wants power then he makes himself a superhero. He wants sex well… he has women throwing themselves at him day and night. Peter wants to be like that still but he just… can’t. Even with his powers he’s shy, demure, unassuming. He has no money. Any power he has came from that spider bite. As for sex… he can barely touch himself let alone think about trying to find someone to be with. He knows what his life will entail, he will keep fighting until one day someone stronger takes him out and then he won’t have to worry about any of this shit anymore.

 

Shit. Now his eyes are watery. Quickly, he tries to think about Tony because he’s the only one that Peter can imagine touching and being touched without disgust crawling up his spine. He wants the man to teach him everything he knows about sex… about  _ pleasure _ because that’s the one area Peter never really explored. Even now the arousal in his groin builds as he thinks about Tony earlier in the workshop and he knows he’s going to cum quick but there’s no  _ pleasure _ there. It’s more like something to do to blow off steam, to relax. It’s like how going to the restroom is a relief but there’s no pleasure. The closest to pleasure he knows is Tony’s voice telling him he did well on a project, telling him he’s a  _ good boy _ . He wants to be Mr. Stark’s boy more than anything else. He imagines the man with that gorgeous cock hard and wet as Peter slips his lips around it. He thinks about Tony praising him, voice low and dark with arousal. 

 

That’s enough to spark the closest thing to pleasure he can feel but it isn’t enough to tip him over. He thinks about the man flipping them over, holding Peter down by his wrists or his throat. Obviously, he could break out of that but maybe Tony drugged him. Maybe he figured out a way to dampen his powers as he ties Peter up and mercilessly slips a finger, then two, then his huge cock into the boy’s hole. Peter imagines Tony rutting into him violently without a care for Peter’s well being, taking what he wants, and cumming hard inside of him, marking him up from the inside.

 

There’s the tipping point for Peter as he cums hard into his underwear, soaking them. He feels weightless for a few moments and he has to catch his breath. Once the world starts coming back to him the reality of what he did settles over him. He can’t stop himself from weeping and he has to bury his face into the pillow so May won’t come running. Why does he do this? It happens too often for it to be okay. How can he think this way, how can he turn the best person in his life into such a horrible monster in his head? Why does he get so turned on by the idea of Tony defiling him when it’s the same thing that fills him with dread when he thinks about his childhood? None of this makes any sense, the only logical reason is that Peter is broken. Corrupted by the sins of his past and he’s a monster too, and now he’s going to infect Tony too. That’s reason number twenty-thousand-and-one why they can never be together. The boy tries to calm himself down but there are some nights it’s not possible and he can feel that tonight is going to be like that. Oh well, best thing to do is to get it out so he isn’t awake all night again. He sobs quietly as he discards his disgusting panties under his bed before shoving his face back into the pillow where he decides he will stay and cry until he can find sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter is short and it's been awhile since I updated. I got a new job recently so I haven't been able to be on as much. I'm not sure when the next update will be but I hope sooner than this one took. <3 thank you everyone who has liked or commented on the story so far I really appreciate it

The next day he wanders into the workshop after school. He tries his best not to look over at Tony but he’s so out of it that he somehow manages to succeed. Peter plops himself down into his chair, drops his bookbag haphazardly on the floor, and starts tinkering with an old project, screwing and unscrewing a screw as his mind pretty much runs static the whole time. He was totally unproductive at school and he knows he won’t get anything done here but he knows if he skips the lab today Tony will ask what’s wrong and if he gets home before May heads to the hospital then  _ she  _ will ask what’s wrong and he just can’t take that today.

 

Unfortunately, the world never goes as he needs it to.

 

“You alright kid?” Tony asks from his work station. Peter can hear the slight worry in his voice but what can he say?  _ Yeah Mr. Stark I’m great, just was up all night thinking about you violating me and crying. No big deal...ˆ _

 

“I’m fine, sir.” he says dispassionately. He continues to work and tries to ignore the other man aside from keeping track of his movements. However, Tony gets up and moves until he’s standing right behind Peter. Normally the boy would shiver at the proximity as dirty things ran through his brain but right now he just feels… tired. 

 

He doesn’t acknowledge the other man’s presence and he can tell from the huffs and sighs behind him that the other man isn’t happy. He stops fiddling but doesn’t turn around as he asks, “What’s wrong Mr. Stark?” He tries to keep his tone careless but he knows it sounds tense, even to his own ears.

 

“Something’s wrong… what’s going on Pete?”

 

Shit… that nickname… it usually makes him melt but right now it irks him. Like Tony is trying to get something from him. Trying to manipulate him into talking by being nice. Peter knows that isn’t true but his brain is barely at half capacity and he snaps, “Nothing is wrong. I’m fine.” 

 

He clenches his jaw and tries to get back to work but Tony doesn’t move, “I know when something is bothering you Peter and I don’t like it when you keep secrets from me.” The man’s voice is tense and the whole room seems to be closing in. He doesn’t want to talk about this but he doesn’t want to lie to Mr. Stark either. It’s so hard and after a few moments of not answer he practically launches himself out of his chair.

 

“I- I forgot I have to be home. I have… uh… homework and stuff. Sorry sir, I gotta go.” Peter grabs the backpack and brushes by Tony, his mind fuzzy. Everything turns to ice though when the man grabs his arm.

 

“Peter, please.,.. What’s happening?” Unfortunately, the boy’s logical brain isn’t working right know and he yanks his arm out of Tony’s grip, using his super strength and he almost sends the man sprawling to the ground.

 

When Mr. Stark gets his bearings he straightens up and looks at Peter with uncertainty in his eyes and that just  _ kills _ the younger boy. Tears well up in his eyes and he knows he can’t hide them before Tony sees and there’s fear there. He knows the man wouldn’t hurt him but his brain can’t process it right now and he takes a few cautious steps back. Seeing the pain in his mentor’s eyes makes him cry even more and he can’t get anything out beyond a strangled, “I’m sorry.” before he’s running like a bat out of hell from the tower and towards May’s apartment.

 

He’s glad she’s already gone by the time he gets home. He forgoes dinner and plops on his bed in full clothes as he cries, again… fuck, into his pillow. He knows Tony will have questions, knows there’s no way he can get out of talking about this, but his mind can’t process it right now and he slips into blissful, empty sleep for the next fourteen hours before, once again, having to wake up for school.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This new job has been killer but hey it's break time! I (hopefully) have gotten over my writing block and I think I know where the fic is going from here but I can't make any promises. I was struggling connecting points A and B to get the plot in motion but I hope this might kick it off.
> 
> Thank you to Amy221B for giving me the prompt "Since Peter is a cute cinnimon roll how about one night Peter stays a little later than he should and its unsafe to go outside (bc a really bad storm) so tony lets him stay in the guest room. Well Peter has a night terror, Tony, being the good daddy he is, checks on peter because his heart skyrocketed. Tony shakes peter awake screaming "Kid!, wake up! Sweetheart, please" or something like that. Peter wakes up and coils in a ball, crying, having a panic attack, and says stuff he doesn't mean." I took it in a LITTLE different direction but I really appreciate the spark!

He couldn’t have been awake for five minutes when Tony called him. Honestly, it’s like the other man knows exactly when his alarm goes off, maybe he hacked into his phone… Peter wouldn’t put it past him, it is Stark tech after all. He rubs his eyes and grabs his phone, the boy contemplates not answering at all but he knows Tony would come track him down and he doesn’t want that. Still he really hopes this is about anything other than his reaction yesterday. He sighs and plucks up his Spider-Man courage and answers the phone, “Yeah?”

 

“Peter, it’s Tony.” The man’s voice sounds tense, as if he had bad news.

 

Peter can’t help rolling his eyes, _obviously_ it’s Tony, does the man really think Peter doesn’t know who’s calling him, “What can I do for you sir?” _Just stay professional Parker._ He thinks to himself.

 

“I was just calling to check on you, make sure you’re okay.”

 

“Of course I am, I’m fine.” His own voice matches Tony’s tone. High and terse but he can’t force it to go away.

 

“It’s just… you seemed pretty spooked yesterday at the lab and-”

 

“Mr. Stark I’m fine.” He interrupts.

 

“Of course you are kid it’s just-”

 

“I know I can say if things aren’t okay but I’m okay, really, you don’t have to worry about me.”

 

“Then what was that display yesterday, hm?” Peter can tell Tony isn’t being smug but he knows he won’t get out of this without some kind of explanation.

 

“You know… just with everything going on…” He takes a breath, partly for dramatic effect partly to form the next words he has to say, “I’ve met a lot of bad people in my life… with my powers.” He clarifies dishonestly, “Sometimes I can’t help it when something happens that reminds me of a bad situation. Feels like I’m there for a second. Once I left it went away, just needed a change in scenery but I promise, sir. I’m okay now.”

 

Peter holds his breath, it’s like three-quarters of the truth but it’s close enough right? Eventually Tony speaks, “Alright kiddo… trust me I know how that is. You just worried me, I want to keep you as safe as I can. I know that’s hard to do with you being a hero and all but I couldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t try.”

 

The boy can’t help but feel touched at how sincere Tony sounds and he’s glad the other man can’t see the way his eyes get misty, “Thank you, but you’re not responsible for me. I can make my own choices and if one of those ends up being a bad one well, you’re not responsible.”

 

“Still, you’re a kid Peter with these extraordinary powers, it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t try.”

 

“I appreciate the help but I’m not a kid.” The boy doesn’t mean to snap but he can’t help it. He hates that word. A childhood is something he never had and he hates being looked at like he doesn't know how the world works. He knows exactly what it’s like and the world has never been kind to Peter Parker.

 

“Peter you-”

 

“Can I still come over after school today?” He interrupts for a third time. It’s a gamble Tony might let it go because he knows Peter doesn’t want to talk about it anymore or he might abstain for now just because he knows he’s going to see Peter later.

 

“Uh- Yeah… sure kid.” He concedes and Peter cringes at the nickname but hopes he’s out of the woods.

 

“Thanks Mr. Stark! I have to get ready for school but I’ll see you later.” He puts on his false chipper voice and hopes that this is the end of it.

 

-

 

Thankfully Tony seems to have dropped it by the time Peter arrives. The man has a welding mask on and spark are flying out from under the Mark 10000000 or whatever the man is on by now. The younger man comes to sit at his workstation nd begins tinkering with his shooters. He isn’t even sure Tony knows he’s there until he asks Peter for a wrench and that’s how it goes for the rest of the night. Peter keeping to his thoughts and Tony working on his suit.

 

It would normally be a comfortable silence but Peter feels like there’s tension in the air. Or maybe he just feels that way because he feels guilty about lying to Tony. Or maybe Tony has dug something up that he’s going to share with Peter and destroy his world, the man is a tech genius overall and the boy knows what he could find with a little bit of digging. But maybe Peter is just overthinking it and Tony is too involved in his project to worry about Peter after the confirmation that he’s okay… why would the man even both really, he’s got more important stuff to deal with than Peter’s life.

 

It pretty much goes on like that for the next several hours as the boy stews in his own anxiety and when Tony finally pulls the mask off and calls it a night it’s well past one in the morning. The man swears when he sees the time and looks over to Peter, “Sorry Pete, didn’t mean to keep you here so late.”

 

“Oh it’s fine Mr. Stark I-” his traitorous body gives a huge yawn, “honestly I don’t normally fall asleep for another hour or two anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

 

However, when Peter is slightly unsteady on his feet as he attempts to fasten his web shooters to his wrist Tony comes over, “Oh, no way kid. You are not swinging home this exhausted. I do not want to see breaking news in the morning about how Spider-Man swung through the glass of the Chrysler Building or something.”

 

The younger man turns away from Tony, “I’m really okay, I’ve done it before.”

 

“Don’t tell me that or else I might have to reinstall the baby monitor protocol and have the suit auto turn off at midnight.”

 

“You wouldn’t!” He gasps, mock-offended and clutches at his heart.

 

“Don’t tempt me mister. Now go to the guest bedroom next to mine, there’s a toothbrush in the bathroom and I’ll write May and tell her you’re spending the night.”

 

“Yes, sir.” He smiles before bounding away to the room. He’s only done this once before and the panic of sleeping in the same building as Tony Stark kept him up all night. But that was when he was first new here, hopefully he can get some rest.

 

Peter is just settling in under the covers when a knock comes at his door. It’s weird, sleeping in just his boxers but he can’t ask Tony to borrow his clothes. He never sleeps without clothes on though, he usually feels too exposed. However, his stress level has been high today and he’s mentally exhausted. He calls out for Tony to come in and the man enters with a glass of water, “Hey kiddo, how are you doing?” He asks with a small smile but it falls when he sees the corners of Peter’s lips twitch down, “You okay?”

 

“Why do you call me that?”

 

“What?”

 

“Kiddo…”

 

“Well… I’ve never had any kids of my own and like I said before I do feel responsible for you. And you _are_ a kid Peter.”

 

“Okay…” Peter replies for lack of anything else to say. He can’t exactly say why it bothers him so much, can’t reveal either reason to Tony, “Thanks for the water.”

 

“No problem. FRIDAY will wake you for school and we can have breakfast before you head off?”

 

“Sounds great sir.” Peter smiles back a little and the idea does genuinely please him.

 

“Alright night kid.”

 

Peter sighs and rolls on his side, “Night.”

 

-

 

Maybe it’s because of all the “kid” talk. Maybe it’s because of the event the day before. Maybe it’s because Peter is so afraid of revealing anything to Mr. Stark that his traumas are on the forefront of his mind but when his eyes shoot open and he legitimately leaps backwards into the man’s antique Walnut headboard he can’t help he groan of frustration.

 

However, his annoyance is replaced by fear when the voice that was flitting around his head before comes into focus, “It’s okay Peter… you’re okay. I’m here… sweetheart, I’m here.”

 

The words barely register in Peter’s brain, if they did maybe he would have recognized the use of sweetheart, something he’s only ever heard from Mr. Stark in his (good) dreams. He stares at the man kneeling on the bed with a mix of fear and embarrassment, “Mr. Stark…?” His voice cracks and he can tell he must’ve been shouting again. He sits up and rubs at his eyes, taking stock that they’re wet too. Shit, he must look like a mess in front of his idol.

 

“Yeah it’s me… are you alright?”

 

The man’s voice is so soft. So sweet. And Peter is so very tired… he just can’t take it anymore.

 

He shakes his head no and it’s like a dam breaks. Huge sobs wrack his body and he reaches out to grasp Tony’s wrist, anchoring him to reality. However, he isn’t expecting the way Tony scoops him up and pulls him in tight, settling the boy in his lap with his head under the man’s chin and his fingers running through Peter’s hair.

 

“It’s alright. You’re alright… I swear it Peter. I’d never let anything happen to you.”

 

Tony lets the boy cry until he has no more tears to shed. Eventually Peter goes quiet and just when Tony thinks the younger man has fallen asleep he hears his small, wrecked voice, “I’m sorry…”

 

“Hush love, you have nothing to apologize for… was it another flashback?”

 

Peter nods and it’s honestly the truth, “But… I don’t want to talk about it. Is that… okay?”

 

He’s terrified Tony will make him talk and he doesn’t think he has the energy to lie about it right now but thankfully Tony just nods and continues petting him, “Yes, of course. You don’t have to talk unless you want to.”

 

Peter is so thankful for the man’s kindness he can’t tell what overtook him, gratitude, fear, or exhaustion but the next thing he knows his lips are pressing against Tony’s and Tony’s are against his. It’s really a chaste thing but Peter’s heart is pounding a mile a minute and with his super senses he can hear Tony’s is too.

 

“You called me sweetheart…” Peter says dumbfounded, the real-life effects finally dawning on him.

 

“I did…”  


“And love…”

 

“And love… does that bother you?” Tony asks, his tone more vulnerable than Peter had ever heard him.

 

“No…” The boy responds, “Actually… if you wouldn’t mind… could I sleep in your bed tonight?”

 

Even in the dark Peter can tell Tony is smiling, “I’d love nothing more sweetheart.” And just hearing those words well… Peter isn’t sure he’s actually woken up yet.

 

The man carries him to his bedroom next door and tucks Peter under the covers and slips in behind him. It’s the first time the boy realizes he’s just wearing his boxers but Tony has on his silk pajama bottoms and even though he hasn’t has this sort of skin-on-skin contact since his was a young boy he feels safe here with Tony and he thanks God that he’s tired enough to fall asleep in the man’s arms.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter to keep me writing and trying to push this plot along

When the boy wakes the next morning he feels like he’s in a dream. His eyes flutter open and he’s staring at Tony’s sleeping face, having shifted around sometime in the night. Yeah, it definitely doesn’t feel real. He knows he needs to get out of here, needs to relive the man of the burden he imposed upon him. The boy goes red when he remembers what he did last night, kissing Tony, asking to sleep here, he can’t believe it actually happened. Slowly, he backs away, attempting to slip out of Tony’s hold without waking the man. 

 

Peter manages to get to the door when he hears a gruff voice behind him, “Normally I’m the one who tries to sneak away from someone else’s bed…” 

 

He can hear the humor in the man’s voice but winces all the same, feeling guilty, “I’m sorry I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

 

“Sweetheart… what are you talking about?”

 

“I really appreciate you being nice when I was all freaked out last night but you don’t have to keep humoring me. I know I was a wreck and you don’t have to figure out how to let me down easy, I get it, I’ll get going and I get if-” 

 

But Peter doesn’t get to ramble for long as Tony cuts him off. The man sits up in bed and pins him with a narrow look, “Peter… come here.” He commands more than asks. When the boy seems to be frozen to the spot he sighs, his voice becoming softer, “Peter, you don't have to do what I say, if you want to leave you have that right, but I would like it if you came here.”

 

Maybe it’s the tender sound in his voice or that fact that Tony is giving him the option but Peter comes over, eyes still downcast as he sits next to the man on the bed, “Yes, Mr. Stark?” he asks so quietly if there were any noise in the room Tony wouldn’t have been able to hear him.

 

“Peter… do you really think I would let anyone I was being nice to sleep in my bed?”

 

“No, but-”

 

“And do you think I would call you sweetheart, or love, if I was being nice?”

 

“You call people pet names all the time.”

 

“When do I ever sound serious about that? It’s always sarcastic, you know that.”

 

“Sure but-”

 

“Do I sound sarcastic to you when I call you sweet things?”

 

Peter has to take a moment to process Tony’s words. To really look at the man and his open expressions and his almost pleading eyes. It’s then that he finds an answer he never thought could be a possibility, “No… you don’t.”

 

“Then why on Earth would you think that I’d want you to leave? I was kinda looking forward to waking up with you in my arms.”

 

Peter smiles a bit at that and he can see Tony do the same out of the corner of his eye. Still he can’t shake the feeling that he’s doing something wrong, “I just don’t understand…”

 

“Understand what, Pete?”

 

“Why me? You could have anyone, why would you ever want me?”   
  


Peter’s question is so sincere and so confused Tony can pretty much feel his heart break, “There are a million, billion reasons why Peter. You’re smart, and funny, and talented, and not to mention very cute.” The man chuckles a bit when he sees Peter blush at the praise, “I will go through every single thing I adore about you if you want. But you shouldn’t need any reassurance that I want you here. I have for a very long time but I never wanted to make you do anything you weren’t comfortable with, you’re still young after all.” 

 

Peter feels himself tear up and he doesn’t try to stop himself when he launches into Tony’s arms and buries his face in his neck, “I’ve wanted this for so long too but I never thought I could have it… I-” but he breaks off with a choked sob and Tony realizes he needs to get this beautiful boy’s self esteem up. Before he can say anything though Peter whispers in his ear, “Will you kiss me again?”

 

The man murmurs, “It would be my honor.” Then he pulls back and seeks out Peter’s lips with his own. This one is much sloppier, hungrier, and hotter than the one they had last night. Peter practically devours Tony’s mouth like he needs it to breathe. His moves are frantic and unpracticed, this being one thing he doesn’t have much experience in. Tony slows them down, teaches him how to move his tongue and encourages him to open his mouth for access. It’s nice actually, letting Tony have control. He doesn’t feel like something is being taken from him, he feels like he’s giving it to the one person he cares about in this way.

 

When they break apart they’re both panting. Tony cups the younger man’s jaw with his hand and his thumb strokes his cheekbone. For a time they just sit there, enjoying each other’s presence but finally Tony speaks, “We should have breakfast. Hopefully you’ll still be able to make it to school on time, that is if you want to go. We can say you’re sick and keep you here all day.” 

 

The man gives Peter a knowing grin and the boy shudders, “As much as I want to I have to go to school, we have some projects coming up and I don’t want to miss anything important.”

 

Tony pouts, “Boo… but fine. I’ll just look forward to seeing you tonight.”

 

“Yeah… me too.” Peter gives him a smile back but on the inside he’s panicking. What will Tony expect of him? He knows what’s involved in dating, that’s why he’s never done it before. He wants to be with the man so badly but can he make himself become physical? Kissing was nice… maybe the rest will be too?

 

He’s pulled from his thoughts by Tony snapping, “Earth to Peter. You awake baby? Did I kiss you back to sleep? I thought the Prince’s kiss was supposed to wake you up?”

 

The only thing he can manage to say is, “You consider yourself a prince?” He smirks but it’s replaced by an undignified squeak as Tony pokes him playfully in the ribs.

 

“Yeah, and that makes you my princess. Get your clothes on and I’ll get breakfast started.” The man gives him one last quick peck before heading off to the kitchen. Peter takes a moment to catch his breath, even though he’s terrified of what he may have just gotten himself into he can easily say that he doesn’t regret it for a second.


	7. Chapter 7

School drags on. It’s literally the longest eight hours of his life. He wants to mention to Ned what’s happened but he doesn’t think the boy would do well with keeping his secret… he’s not even sure Ned would approve. The last time he mentioned that Tony was hot in an offhand way the Ned chuckled and mentioned how Peter seemed to have a thing for dirty old men. Those words hurt in a way the other boy would never know and Peter was forced to laugh along with him while mentally berating himself for bringing the subject up. No… he couldn’t tell Ned about what’s happening.

 

By the time the final bell rings he practically sprints out of the building like it’s on fire. He ignores Flash’s stupid remarks as he bounds to the ridiculous bright red Audi waiting for him… one of Tony’s less flashy cars. He smiles at the man as he slides into the passenger seat, “Hiya Mr. Stark. How was your day?”

 

“Mmm… better now you’re here gorgeous.”

 

The endearment makes him somehow beam even brighter and he buckles up quickly as the man drives away a little too fast for a school parking lot. He desperately wants to lean over and kiss him but he knows they need to wait until they’re in private, anyone could see and if it gets out that Tony is dating someone underage then everything will be ruined. However, that doesn’t stop Peter from sliding a hand over to rest on the man’s knee, “I missed you…”

 

“Did you now? You’ve been seeing so much of me I assumed you’d be happy to have a break.”

 

“Never… I wish I didn’t have school. That we could work in the lab all day.”

 

The man can’t help but chuckle at Peter’s earnest tone, “Well your wish will come true for the rest of the night. Whatever you want to do, I’m all yours.”

 

Peter can’t help but smirk, “Oh yeah? Whatever I want?” He says a bit suggestively. Maybe it’s a dangerous game for him to be playing with Tony because he’s sure the man will want a follow through. Still… he wants to be able to act normal. To flirt like any other couple would.

 

Tony’s eyes stay on the road but his knuckles tighten on the steering wheel a fraction, “Yes. Whatever you want…” The words are a promise and Peter is sure if he doesn’t push anything then Tony won’t either.

 

But does he want to push?

 

The rest of the car ride is spent in relative silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

 

They pull up to the tower a little later and Tony takes Peter’s hand from the car, all the way up in the private elevator, until they’re let out at the lab, “Alright baby… do you know what do you want to work on?”

 

Peter shakes his head. Honestly, his suit is perfect, he just brings it over to tinker with so he has an excuse to be near Tony but… he doesn’t need an excuse anymore. It’s almost like a lightbulb flips and he turns to the man and drapes his arms over his shoulders, “It doesn’t matter to me, as long as I’m here with you…” with that he lets his eyes flutter shut as he takes Tony’s lips in a kiss.

 

It’s different than the others they’ve had. Peter is lucid enough to try and follow Tony’s movements. He attempts to catalogue each thing that makes the man’s breath catch or causes him to press forward a little closer. Before long Tony has his arms wrapped around Peter’s waist and he’s guiding them backward until he’s sitting in his lab chair with the boy perched in his lap. The make-out session lasts longer than Peter thought possible. He never understood how people could just spend time kissing and kissing, he never saw the point until being with Tony. Now he knows that if he could ever imagine a heaven it would be like this, kissing the man for eternity, wrapped up safe in his arms.

 

After some time they break apart to catch their breath. Tony scrubs his hands up and down Peter’s back and the boy rests his forehead in the crook of Tony’s neck. He feels the older man’s hands still and he’s about to ask what’s wrong when he feels Tony’s cock twitch against his own through their pants. The man had gotten hard but Peter was in such bliss from the kiss he didn’t realize it.

 

The boy’s blood goes cold, body freezing in place and brain short circuiting. There’s so many things running through his head he can’t keep track. His rational brain, the side that is still Peter is yelling, _I made Tony Stark hard! He wants this. Wants me_. However, his instinctual brain is just screaming _Bad!_ over and over again. Although he knows which is logical, at the moment both are making very compelling cases.

 

Thankfully Tony doesn’t seem to notice. Peter hears a soft murmur of “Baby…” before he feels warm breath on his neck and wet kisses on his skin. He’s just counting his breathing, trying to calm his brain into rational thinking but he doesn’t trust himself to speak.

 

Tony starts rocking slightly as he leaves hickey on Peter’s neck, he probably assumes the boy is just shy, not that he’s paralyzed. Yet, that changes when he grips the boy’s chin and kisses his lips but gets no response, “Peter?” He asks, brow furrowing.

 

The boy doesn’t say anything, can’t even bring himself to look at the love of his life because he can’t turn off his stupid fight or flight response. Tony pulls back all the way, frown deepening, “Peter… what’s wrong?” He leans down slightly to try and meet the boy’s eyes. Peter shakes his head, trying to clear it. Tony stands and easily lifts the younger man to sit on the table, “Baby what’s going on? I need you to talk to me.”

 

Getting a little space seems to help. It’s almost as if he can feel his brain rebooting, coming back online. However, that means his other functions are coming back online also, “Mr. Stark…?” He asks, voice quiet and almost childlike. It’s not long before his brain catches up to him, “I… I’m sorry.”

 

Peter can’t help how his eyes fill with tears. He can’t even perform the most basic function in a relationship, satisfying his partner. How could someone as prolific as Tony Stark ever accept a boyfriend like that? The man’s words break through his self-deprecating inner monologue though.

 

“Are you okay?” He asks, voice serious.

 

“Y-Yeah…” Peter lies, “just nervous I guess… I…”

 

The man’s expression softens and he rests a palm on Peter’s cheek, “Baby it’s totally understandable… I know the first time can be nerve-wracking and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” He smiles as he strokes Peter’s cheek with his thumb and the boy manages to finally meet his eyes, “I remember my first time was…” But Tony pauses and the boy and hear him thinking, “Actually I don’t really know when my first time was. I was probably on too many drugs or blacked out drinking in college. Ah well, c'est la vie.”

 

Tony smiles at him again as if it’s a joke. As if that’s not one of the most heartbreaking things Peter has ever heard. Still before he can think deep enough to express his sympathy Tony starts speaking again, “We can go at your pace… if you’re uncomfortable with anything just let me know and we will stop immediately. Let's not think about it anymore tonight, hm? We can go upstairs, watch Star Wars… how’s that sound?”

 

Peter wants to sob again, the man is too kind to him… he doesn’t deserve it. But he knows he needs to keep himself in check. He doesn’t want Tony asking questions, not after the man just provided him with the best excuse he could get. First time. Hah! He doesn’t remember his first time either. He almost wants to snicker but knows this isn’t the right time. Not unless he wants the man to think he’s batshit crazy. Instead he just nods.

 

Tony smiles brightly at him, “Can I hug you?” he asks and maybe it’s because no one has ever asked Peter his permission before but he launches himself into Tony’s arms. The man smiles wider against his neck, “I’m going to take us up to the couch.” He says as he heads for the stairs.

 

The rest of the night includes Peter keeping as much contact with Tony as he can, which just means pressed against his side at almost all times. Once the movie is over the man carries them back to bed after Peter texts May with an excuse and he tosses an old band t-shirt and some sweats for Peter to borrow. Being clothed helps his brain settle back into the safe mode he needs and the two of them once again fall asleep together after one last goodnight kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've been soooo busy. End of the month I should ahve some free time and I'm gonna try to speedrun the fic until work picks back up again


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for how long this is taking. Writing has been extremely hard recently but I promise this work isn't abandoned. I'll update whenever I can. I'm still taking suggestions so don't be afraid to spark my creativity.

The next morning, Peter wakes to Tony’s hands lightly rubbing under his shirt across his belly and his clothed cock pressed against his ass. The boy groans and he hears the man chuckle quietly behind him, “Good morning darling.”

 

“Morning.” He says back, his own dick is getting hard at the attention and it feels so good, even if there is an undercurrent of panic to every emotion. 

 

“Is this okay?” The man asks as his fingers flirt with the hem of Peter’s waistband. 

 

At the feeling, Peter’s body immediately tenses but to the untrained eye they wouldn’t notice it. He learned very young that it hurts like hell to be tense when someone is fucking you so over time he figured out how to divert those feelings; his hands tighten in the silk sheets in front of him, his toes flex and curl, his jaw clenches and he isn’t sure if he can answer Tony’s question. Instead he just nods his head and is thankful he’s facing away from the man.

 

If Tony had realized he should question Peter’s behavior maybe he’d ask for verbal confirmation but he doesn’t think to, just assumes his boy is being shy as he so often is since he believes this is Peter’s first time.

 

The older man runs his hands under the sweatpants to palm at Peter’s cock. The boy lets out a soft whimper that Tony takes as one of pleasure. He laughs softly again and presses a kiss behind Peter’s ear, “Perfect…” He strokes the boy and runs a thumb over the leaking slit to slick up his cock, “Roll over.” he pulls Peter’s shoulder, eliciting another quiet whimper.

 

The boy’s heart is racing a million miles an hour and he doesn’t know what to do. It feels nice having Tony’s hands on him and when he reminds himself it’s _Tony_ it feels even better. It’s like there’s something in his brain telling him this is good but it’s stuck behind a wall and it can’t break through and Peter can’t feel the mind-shattering pleasure he’s heard so much about. It’s so frustrating, feeling an orgasm approaching but not being able to enjoy it.

 

When Tony takes Peter’s cock into his mouth and sucks well, that’s certainly a new sensation. No one has given him a blowjob before. The keen he lets out is very real and he thinks, _Maybe this is it, maybe I’ll feel this._ Unfortunately, right after that thought comes the pleasure building ebbs away as always and he could almost cry at the frustration. However, he decides to shut his brain off; instead of thinking about the unsatisfied feeling that curls in his chest he just closes his eyes and allows it to happen. It isn’t bad at least, it doesn’t hurt, and if he just focuses on the sounds he makes instead of anything happening to him physically it’s easier. He doesn’t have to think about the way the man’s tongue swirls around his cock in a way he knows should drive him insane, and the physical stimulation does make his cock leak in Tony’s mouth. It’s almost a relief, the fact his body knows how to respond so Peter can just kind of go away in his mind. 

 

There’s a tiny voice in the back of his mind telling him he shouldn’t be going away when this is something he wants, when Tony is someone he chose to have sex with. But honestly… he’s not hurting anyone, Tony doesn’t know, he’s sucking Peter like he would die if he didn’t deepthroat his dick. It doesn’t hurt and that’s what he thinks about as he makes sounds like he was trained to do when he was younger and he whispers a warning to the man to let him know that he’s about to cum but Tony just double downs and keeps bobbing his head until the younger man spills down his throat.

 

Peter cums with a silent cry and it’s… nice. It feels okay and he feels okay and nothing feels bad exactly and maybe that’s just something he needs to accept. That’s how it usually feels while masturbating anyway. He loves Tony and once his mind settles and he looks over at the man that’s petting his hair he smiles. Even if his chest still feels tight with something he can’t name  

 

The boy reaches down and cups Tony’s hard cock. He slips his hands into the stretchy pants and strokes him lightly, mentally preparing himself to return the favor when the man grabs his wrist, “I don’t need that baby boy, it’s okay.”

 

“But-” Peter starts but he’s cut off,

 

“You need to get ready for school. I just thought I’d take the edge off before you had to go.” Tony chuckles, and Peter’s expression is blank which the man thankfully attributes to a post-orgasm high, “Did I suck your brains out there?” He laughs again and ruffles Peter’s hair, “Don’t worry, darling. You can have more than that when you get home.” Tony stands and winks, “Now, don’t let me be the reason you’re late to school.”

 

Peter gets ready as fast as he can and bustles out of the house. He’s lucky he doesn’t have to see Tony more than giving him a quick peck goodbye and stealing a piece of toast from the toaster. He feels like he’s heartbroken but he doesn’t know why. This was a good night and a good morning. He doesn’t know why he feels so… bad.

 

\---

 

The rest of the day he can’t think straight, apologizing to Ned when he seems so spacy. It isn’t until halfway through his second-to-last period of the day when a realization dawns over him. He left Tony unsatisfied. That has to be it. That _must_ be what’s causing the guilt to settle through his entire being. He’s never just… received pleasure before. If he ever got the chance to cum it was only in return for getting someone else off. That has to be it and there’s an easy solution. Peter smiles and finally it’s like a bubble of hope is boiling inside of him.

 

He tries to get back to Stark tower as fast as he can while coming up with yet another excuse for May. Peter rushes to the elevators as he gets into the building and is antsy as each floor dings on his way up to the penthouse. He steps through, eyes almost wild in their search for Tony who he finds sprawled on the couch.

 

“Hey Pete!” Tony says happily and smiles at the younger man but his face falls a little when he watches his boy practically stalk towards him, “Peter?” He goes to sit up but is pressed back into the couch as Peter pounces, straddling him and kissing Tony hard. He holds the man’s face between his hands, exerting just a little superstrength as he takes control of the kiss. Tony groans into the demanding lips attached to his own. For a moment he’s speechless, not used to being the one submitting and definitely not used to Peter taking any sort of control. He likes it though…

 

As he’s about to reach up to unbutton the kid’s pants Peter pulls away, “I want to thank you.” He whispers against Tony’s lips before sliding down from the couch to between the man’s spread legs and if Tony was thinking at all he would notice how practiced the move is, how rehearsed the words are, however all his blood is rushing to his dick instead of his brain.

 

Peter makes quick work of the man’s clothes and frees his erection. With little fanfare he takes the man down to the hilt, his gag reflex pretty much nonexistent by now. He closes his eyes, sucking hard and doing every trick in the book in order to get Tony off as quick as possible. He isn’t trying to rush anything but he wants the feeling to go away and he knows once Tony cums down his throat he won’t feel this… whatever this is anymore. He’ll feel good again.

 

Honestly, Tony doesn’t know what’s going on with his boy tonight but he can’t deny how fucking good Peter’s mouth feels. This is definitely not his first blowjob, that much is obvious from his skill but he doesn’t have any time to get jealous because he tangles his fingers in the younger man’s hair and grunts out a warning but similar to this morning, Peter does the dame thing as Tony and doesn’t pull away. He swallows everything down and gives small licks to the head of the man’s cock until he’s twitching and going soft underneath of him.

 

When the man is spent Peter carefully tucks him back into his pants and rises to kneel on the seat next to the older man and gives him a surprisingly chaste kiss before smiling down at him, “What’s come over you, baby?” Tony asks with a mixtured look of awe and surprise.

 

Peter’s smile drops, “Was… was it not okay?”

 

“No, love, it was great. Amazing, truly!” He feels himself floundering, worried he offended Peter, “That wasn’t your first time was it?” He asks as an attempt to divert the conversation before realizing how stupid he is and that is very much not changing the subject.

 

He’s quiet for a few seconds, trying to process the question amidst the blinding panic in his chest. He hopes this conversation doesn’t have to go any further. “No… does that bother you?” Peter asks, he forces all his emotions down in case Tony is going to throw him out now or something.

 

“No, of course not. I can’t talk obviously, I was just surprised.”

 

Peter regards him for a moment, then gives him another little kiss, “Okay.” 

 

He hops off the couch and heads for the shower, mind reeling. Tony catches his arm as he goes to escape, “Where are you running away to?” His tone sounds light but Peter can see the worry in his eyes.

 

“Shower. I should’ve taken one after this morning.” He looks down as if he’s embarrassed to put the man’s mind at ease and goes to stand again but Tony rises with him.

 

“I’ll join you.” His smirk is sultry and suggestive and it makes the boy’s heart beats fast but he doesn’t have time to decide if it’s a good or bad kind of fast, “Besides... I think it’s my turn to say thank you.”

 

“I’d love that,” he says, a bit dishonestly, “but I want to be quick so we can make dinner. I’m starving!” He makes sure he sounds excited, gives the older man one more quick kiss on his cheek, the patters off to the bathroom as quick as he can before more questions can be asked. He’s glad Tony hasn’t realized that he wasn’t even hard  he didn’t even quite realize until now, his mission was of such singlemindedness that he didn’t even think about himself  

 

He locks the door behind him and is glad to be alone, he steps into the scalding spray and lets the burn wash over him, turning his pale skin pink. He barely has a moment of clarity in his mind before he falls to his knees. He has enough sense to bite the skin of his forearm to muffle his scream. The entire day seems to be a haze until this moment and now he feels like he wants to rip himself apart. This was his first time with Mr. Stark in both ways and he can barely even really remember what happened. Peter knows, logically, the details of what went on this morning and this afternoon; but when he thinks about them it’s like he’s watching a video from someone else’s life. The biggest fantasy of his life has come true and it’s like he didn’t even experience it. 

 

Peter can’t help the way he weeps into his hands, one stays covering his mouth so Tony won’t hear. He wants this, wants to be with Tony. He loves the man more than anything in the world but now that he finally has the opportunity to be with him it’s like everything that made his fantasies arousing has disappeared. It isn’t _fucking fair_ and he isn’t crying because he’s angry with Tony or because he didn’t like what they had done but because he wishes he could go back and try to get out of his head. Then a bitter thought passes through his brain, _Maybe it’s better to feel fear and pain than nothing at all._  He waves it off as soon as it comes and tries not to think that maybe that voice is right. Maybe it’s just impossible for him to feel pleasure. Maybe he just has to accept that this is his life.

 

He turns off the shower and shakes his head as though that could clear it of the negative thoughts that have been making themselves at home. He doesn’t have to accept anything. He’s Spider-Man. He has superpowers. If anyone can figure this out it’s him, or Tony… but he can’t tell the man what’s going through his head or what caused those thoughts to form in the first place.

 

Peter slips his boxers back on, then steels himself. He puts on his best smile and goes walking out of the bathroom to meet Tony and he hopes against all hope that the man won’t notice any redness in his eyes or the halfway healed bite on his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow my starker blog I run with my friend @tonyandpeterstark on tumblr


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally smut is the easiest thing to write but this was... not. I didn't get as far as I had hoped but I got something out and I have to be happy enough with it. Also, totally unbetaed and I'm so tired (and tipsy) I know there are mistakes that I missed.

Tony lights up when Peter returns to the kitchen but he can’t help the way his cock twitches in his pants as he takes in the younger man’s disheveled appearance. How thankful he is that he doesn’t have to hide his gaze as it rakes over those perfect abs and the long, pale limbs on display for him, “Hey there gorgeous, good shower?” 

 

“Mhm.” Peter says behind his soft smile. Even if the shower wasn’t the best he feels more at ease now that he doesn’t have to think about sex or life. He can enjoy this moment of peaceful domesticity with the man of his dreams. 

 

“Dinner is ready.” Tony scoops some pasta, sauce, and pepperonis from a few pots set up on the stove and serves them at the kitchen island, “Would you care for some wine?” 

 

“Oh…” Peter shrugs sheepishly, “It’s okay, I don’t have the most refined palate. I feel like it would be a waste. Do you have like, uh, Sprite or something?” He chuckles a little nervously, he hopes Tony doesn’t think him childish but he doesn’t have the best history with alcohol.

 

The older man turns back to the fridge and hums, “Looks like I got some Coke, the drink not the drug,” he laughs at his own corny joke and Peter can’t help but join in, “I can get some Sprite tomorrow though if that’s what you like.”

 

“Thanks Tony, I’ve just never been the biggest fan of alcohol. Not that I mind that you drink it of course.” He adds on, worried about offending the man.

 

Tony returns to the island and places a soda can in front of Peter and pours himself a glass of red wine, “No worries. Honestly, I’m surprised a little goodie two-shoes like you has even tried it before.” He gives Peter a cheeky wink that makes warmth flood through him. He loves these moments with the man, they’re some of the few times it feels like he can breathe.

 

The boy shrugs, “Ah ya know, being in high school and stuff. Parties and things happen.” He plays off pretty easily.

 

“I didn’t take you for the big party type.” The man asks as he starts to dig into his dinner and Peter does the same.

 

“I’m not,” He says through a mouthful of pasta, “but still. I’m not the biggest nerd, I’ve been to one or two.”

 

Tony smiles at him fondly, “I like that you’re a nerd. The party lifestyle leads to nothing but regretful nights and nasty hangovers…” his eyes get a bit distant and he knows the past is not something Tony likes talking about, it’s one of the many things they have in common, “But! If you do ever want to do anything a little reckless please let me know first? I can at least make sure you’re staying safe.”

 

Peter takes the last bite of his plate, honestly he’s a little surprised Tony could cook so well. No offense but he just assumed the man was used to things being made for him but… he’s not sure if that’s a compliment so he keeps it to himself. Instead, he answers the man’s proposition, “Thanks but I don’t think any of that is something I’ll get into. I get enough of a rush being Spider-Man.”

The man reaches over to take Peter’s empty plate along with his own. He passes the boy on his way to the sink and ruffles his hair on the way by, “Smart choice kid, you’re always such a good boy Peter.” His voice stays casual as he scrubs at the dishes but Peter can feel the heat under the compliment that makes him bask under the praise. Why does it feel so _good_ right now but when they were intimate it just made him feel cold? Honestly, he’d never regret being with Tony but… is he being fair to the other man?

 

He tries not to think about it and he genuinely giggles when Tony comes and sweeps him off his stool, carrying him bridal style to the couch so they can curl up and watch a movie. He’s so warm and comfortable here but as it starts to near the end the anxiousness builds in his chest. Honestly, he doesn’t even really see how the movie finishes because he’s too caught up in his own head. It’s been at least five years since he’s been fucked and he doesn’t know what to expect, especially because he knows what he's experienced in the past isn't the way it should be between real lovers. Peter also knows that he could ask Tony to wait, could coerce the man with a blowjob and some sweet words but… will putting it off make it any better? It might be best to just do it, like ripping off a bandage. Yeah, he decides that he won’t try and stop it from happening if that’s what the other man wants. He just has to get used to doing these things again and then later he can work on enjoying it but that’s a problem for future Peter. This qualifies as immersion therapy right?

 

He doesn’t notice Tony staring at him through the credits, it isn’t until the man clicks the TV off that Peter snaps out of his reverie with a small shake of his head and he turns to say something but the words die in his throat when he sees Tony looking at him with a heated stare and half-lidded eyes. The man cups Peter’s cheek and strokes it softly, “You’re so beautiful.” His voice is barely above a whisper and it causes every bone in Peter’s body to ache with longing. He hates that he’s too worried about losing the feeling to be able to enjoy it in the moment. Instead of risking breaking the tension Peter just launches himself into Tony’s lap and kisses him hard, all desperate tongue and teeth and he doesn’t stop for fear of allowing his thoughts to come back into his head.

 

Tony groans appreciatively into the boy’s lips. Apparently the man was holding back before because this kiss is absolutely _filthy_ compared to the previous ones they’ve shared. Peter feels a moan tear from his throat unbidden and honest arousal spreads through his stomach. He pants against Tony’s lips and his body ruts into the man under him instinctively. Peter just shuts off his brain and lets go for the first time in years. His eyes close and he wraps his arms around Tony’s neck and allows little gasps and mewls to breathe into his lover’s ear as he grinds himself to full hardness in his pants.

 

He’s jarred from his carnal state when he feels Tony lift him up and he wraps his legs around him to stop from falling. It doesn’t take long for Peter to realize they’re heading for the bedroom and all the tension he lost in the last twenty minutes comes flooding him again like an ice cold bucket of water. Still he tries not to react in a way Tony will question. He buries his face in the man’s neck and inhales his scent and it calms him somewhat, _This is Tony and Tony won’t hurt me._ He knows that but there’s just too much muscle memory in his body to let the fear go. That plus the layer worry that he won’t be good enough for Tony Stark. It’s a little silly honestly, of everything he actually knows sex very well, he always knows how to adapt to a new person and find their weak spots. But Tony is the first person he’s ever wanted to please because of desire and not because of fear of punishment. He wants to be good, the best for the man because for Peter he knows this is as good as it’s ever going to get and if he loses Tony then there’s no second chance for him.

 

He lets the man toss him on the bed and crawl over his body. Tony slides his hands under the younger man’s shirt and pushes it up, exposing those perfectly toned abs. Peter helps him rid the shirt totally and he reaches up and tugs at the man’s collar. He hears a small ripping sound and freezes, afraid he ruined a shirt that’s more expensive than his rent but Tony just laughs and discards it on the floor next to Peter’s, “I love how strong you are baby.” His voice is low and full of promise and he captures the boy’s lips again. With a keen Peter lets himself be enveloped in the praise and that little spark of pleasure is back. It’s not strong but it’s enough for Peter to allow Tony to take off the rest of their clothes and rub their hard cocks together. 

 

Foreplay isn’t something Peter’s really had the pleasure of experiencing before. A few lubed up fingers in his hole, some quick kisses so they could pretend like they were doing more than just raping a kid but this… this is so different. Tony kisses him like they have all the time in the world, like it’s enough to just slowly hump each other. It’s such a stark contrast to what he knows and Peter loves it. 

 

Every once in awhile Tony’s cock will catch below his balls and slide down his perineum towards his hole. Tingles rush up his spine and he feels electric every time it happens. He meets the man’s eyes and Tony gives him a knowing smirk, he reaches down to position his cock so it continues along that path every time they move together and when the tip slides a little too far and kisses Peter’s hole he whimpers. Tony feels so big, it’s so much, too much, it isn’t going to fit it-

 

“You like that, don’t you sweetheart? Like my cock against your virgin ass, huh?” The man growls in his ear and he can do nothing but nod. He’s panicking, he knows he is, but he needs this. Needs to do this and just push through so he can finally get over this ridiculous anxiety. He can’t even attempt to think about the virgin comment because he’ll drive himself crazy. Is he lying to the man from withholding that information? Is it morally wrong to pretend like the past never happened? Or is it okay because technically this is the first time he’s ever truly wanted to experience this? This is his true first time in Peter’s eyes, it's his first time making love. 

 

When Tony pulls away he whines and grabs the man’s arm. He’s worried he did something wrong, that Tony is going to ask him if he's alright and he doesn’t want that, but his fears are placated when the man just says, “We need lube.”Tony gets off the bed to retrieve the small bottle from a nightstand and Peter uses the moment to flip onto his stomach. It’s always easier for him in this position but when Tony comes back to the bed he looks Peter up and down, “You sure you want to be like that, honey?”

 

“Like what?” Peter’s voice is muffled in the pillows.

 

“On your front, it’ll be harder for me to see if I’m hurting you.”

 

The boy actually laughs at that, “Don’t worry, I’ll be alright.” 

 

Tony’s still frowning a little but gets into position behind him, “You have to promise me you’ll tell me if you need me to stop or slow down.”

 

“Yes, yes I will,” Peter says, impatient, “now will you _please_ just fuck me?”

 

Well… that’s enough consent as far as Tony’s aware. He’s really thankful too because he’s so hard he is worried he’s going to cum before he has the chance to rock Peter’s world. He slicks up a finger and nudges it against his boy’s ass, “Just breathe and relax for me.” He leans over his back and plants small kisses down Peter’s spine as he slowly slips his finger into his hole with minimal resistance. He's thankful for that and it makes him smile, the boy is probably too blissed out or so trusting of Tony that he isn’t tense and it makes the older man’s heart soar. 

 

Unfortunately, Peter’s just gotten really good at keeping that part of his body relaxed, “You know it’s not like it is in porn. You don’t need me to finger you for an hour to get you ready. I just wanted you to get used to the feeling but whenever you’re ready we can start, or stop, it’s up to you.”

 

Peter nods, he knows this as well and he spreads his thighs a little wider, “I’m ready.” He’s not sure if that’s the truth or not but he isn’t changing his mind about going through with this.

 

The boy presses his face into the pillows, he doesn’t want Tony to see him in case he starts to cry and he can hear the man slicking his cock up behind him. _Breathe, you’re okay, this is good, just fucking breathe._ He tells himself and the anticipation is killing him as he waits for the man to fill him up. He’s about to look behind him as he feels a nudge against his hole and then an agonizingly slow press inside his body. He groans and shakes but Tony’s cock just continues to impale him. It doesn’t really hurt which is certainly a nice change but by the time the man is pressed balls deep inside of him he feels stretched beyond comprehension. It’s almost suffocating and he’s on the verge of breaking down when he feels the body on top of him lean down again and a hand pets the sweaty hair on his forehead, “Is this okay? How do you feel, my love?” And _oh…_ isn’t that something. My love… he’s Tony’s love. This is what he wants, to belong to the man wholly. But does Tony love him? Truly in love with him? Or is it just a nickname-

 

“Peter?”

 

The boy shakes his head, he got lost again, “Uh-huh?”

 

“Are you okay? I’m not going to move until I know you want me to. If not we can end this here.”

 

“No!” He gasps, “It just feels… it’s good. Please move.” Apparently his begging is enough because he feels the man shift out of him and a guttural groan sounds from somewhere behind him, _I did that. My body made Tony Stark feel that way._

 

The man slowly picks up the pace, sliding into Peter so soft, so sweet, just barely brushing against his prostate and it’s too much and not enough at the same time. His trapped cock slides against the silk underneath of him and it’s good, it’s good and he’s okay but it’s not enough. The next time Tony pulls out Peter uses his super strength to follow him and sinks backwards onto his cock. The man lets out a quiet gasp at the feeling but when Peter looks over his shoulder, cheeks flushed and hair sticking to his head from the exertion Tony loses all sense of coherence at the beauty of his mentee, the kid that he should have been a father figure to but he couldn’t stop himself from falling head-over-heels for.

 

Peter’s staring at the man, the person he’s been pining after for years and he knows he’s close to feeling that desire again, he just needs something, “More, please. You can go harder.” He begs and Tony unintentionally jerks his hips at that, which earns a small gasp from Peter. From then on it’s all over, he grabs the boys hips and angle them up as he starts slamming into him hard, he believes it’s the younger man’s first time but he’s still a superhero, it makes sense that he can take it. 

 

He slides into his body, searching out his prostate and when he finds it from the way Peter’s hole tightens around his cock he leans over the boy’s back and plants one hand next to his head so he can get closer, “Let me hear you, baby. Don’t hide those pretty sounds from me.” He snakes his other hand around Peter’s waist and strokes his cock in time with his brutal thrusts.

 

Aside from little puffs of air and random sounds from being rammed within an inch of his life he doesn’t feel the overwhelming desire to moan from either sensation but that isn’t fair to Tony who is definitely giving him the best fuck of his life. Besides, he’s not inexperienced in the art of making porn star sounds so that’s exactly what he does. Every time his prostate is touched he makes sure to let out a little whine and whenever the man twists his wrist on the upstroke on his cock he moans his name. Soon enough the dual attacks on his ass and his cock are enough to have him leaking precum and he knows he’s close, “T-Tony,” he pants out, breathless, “gonna cum.”

 

“Me too, baby boy,” and the man sounds totally wrecked, “cum whenever you want kid. Come one, Peter. Cum for me.” At those words Peter tips over the edge, releasing all over the man’s hand and the bed. Quickly, Tony takes hold of his hips again and fucks him through his orgasm, trying hard to cum before the boy gets oversensitive which Peter is thankful for because that’s always one of his least favorite parts. 

 

Soon enough he hears a quiet groan and feels his insides being filled. They both collapse and Tony peppers every inch of his skin he can with light kisses as he pulls out. Once they both get their breath Tony goes to the bathroom and gets a warm washcloth to wipe up both of them. He tugs at Peter’s shoulder and the boy rolls over to face him, “How are you feeling?” He asks.

 

He has to take a moment to think, there’s no major residual guilt, there’s no physical pain, he doesn’t feel like crying so he smiles at the man, “Good. That was really good… thank you Tony.” 

 

The man chuckles and swaps out the comforter they ruined for a clean one, “You don’t have to thank me for that, actually you should be reprimanding me for forgetting to use a condom.”

 

Peter shrugs, “I’m clean.”

 

Smiling Tony returns and fluffs the new blanket over the boy then slides underneath it, “I figured. I am too but still, we should at least attempt to be safe.” 

 

Peter gives him a quick kiss on the lips then turns around so he can be spooned. This is the calmest he’s ever been after anything sexual ever. It’s like his mind is almost blank… like there’s no real feelings towards it one way or another. He’ll definitely take it over a breakdown any day.

 

Once they’re settled in and Tony tells FRIDAY to kill the lights Peter feels comfortable enough, “Was I good, Tony? Did you enjoy it?” He hates how nervous he sounds but when Tony pulls him tighter to his body and turns his head so they can share one more lingering kiss he feels a little better. He also can’t lie and say that he isn’t filled with a bit of pride at the compliment, the same feeling he gets when the man congratulates him for solving a problem in the lab.

 

“Of course, Peter. That was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen. If I had the choice I’d keep you in bed cumming all day long.” And Peter knows it’s a joke but he still shifts a little uncomfortably, “Was it… okay for you? First times are always overwhelming…”

 

Peter nods, hating the hesitation in Tony’s voice, “It was very okay I promise.” He shoves that first time comment down to the back of his mind with the rest of them and locks it away before it can affect him too much.

 

“Alright, night Peter get some rest.”

 

“Night, Mr. Stark.” He mumbles back but doesn’t fall asleep for awhile. It was okay, it’s the best it’s ever been. Peter really shouldn’t be selfish and crave that desire that he apparently just can’t have. It’s a fleeting thing and he knows that it’s really insignificant compared to the love he feels for Tony. He needs to learn not to get his hopes up because this is truly okay, and that’s going to have to be enough for Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always cop out and end on ppl falling asleep and I know I need to stop but oh well
> 
> as always @tonyandpeterstark on tumblr


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really struggled bridging where I am and where I need to set the plot in motion so I'm sorry if this chapter is choppy but it's the best I could do. There's some time skips (just by a few weeks) so the boys have time to get settled into a routine before I fuck it all up. Also, I have Tony living in the Tower as like his private base but the actual Stark Industries building is separate. I don't think Tony would sleep in a place he'd let thousands of people come work, he's too paranoid for that.
> 
> *Note the warning at the end of the chapter*

The next morning, Peter wakes up a little achy, a little sticky, but okay. Tony is still fast asleep beside him and the boy can’t help but smile. He feels… content; that’s the best way to describe it. The stress and anxiety that normally occupy his mind the moment he wakes are remarkably absent and he doesn’t know the last time his brain has been this empty and he’s almost at peace. If this is what comes with his new life he thinks he can get used to it.

 

Getting out of bed silently to let Tony rest he heads for the bathroom. Peter slips inside the shower and lets the warm water cleanse him and he’s in such a different headspace from when he was in here just yesterday that it’s almost jarring but in a good way. Once he feels clean he gets out to towel off and smiles when he hears Tony jostling around in the other room. 

 

Returning to the bedroom he keeps the towel up as a false sense of modesty but he knows Tony is going to stare at him in that way that makes his blood go hot and it’s something he really can’t get enough of, no matter how fleeting the feeling is when he has it. He isn’t disappointed when the man looks at him like Peter is his next meal and he practically scrambles out of bed to come face his lovely, younger boyfriend. His eyes bore into Peter’s and slowly, deliberately, Tony peels the towel away to expose the boy and Peter takes the lead in pulling the man into a deep kiss. Tony moans into his mouth and grips the boy’s hips so tight he might bruise. No words are spoken as they return to the bed to dirty Peter up even through he just cleaned up.

 

This is good.

 

This feels right.   

 

Peter is happy… as happy as he’s ever been at least.

 

The next few weeks pass by in much the same way. Aunt May eventually stops asking if Peter is going to come home for dinner and even though they don’t talk about it, when they see each other Peter gets the sense she knows. He isn’t ashamed of his relationship with Tony but it’s just not something he wants to talk about, he’s never been one to talk about sex or crushes with anyone, not even his friends. However, he’s grateful May doesn’t confront him. He supposes being Spider-Man is more dangerous that being in a relationship with an older man but he knows the legal system wouldn’t see it that way but he’s glad May seems to.

 

The simple domesticity that he and Tony fall into, the ease of which their relationship forms surprises Peter if he’s being honest. Tony is far more open with him than he ever would’ve expected and it makes him feel a little guilty with all the secrets he’s keeping from the man. At best, Tony knows and feels bad that Peter isn’t able to be as fulfilled with sex as he feels like he should be. At worst Tony feels pity over what happened and refuses to touch Peter out of fear of hurting him and that is definitely not something he wants. (The true worst would be that Tony throws him out, thinking he’s damaged goods. He doesn’t think the man would ever do that but there’s that annoying part of his brain that won’t let that thought die.)

 

It’s a Saturday morning about two months after he and Tony started dating. Peter is so close to summer that he’s practically vibrating out of his skin every moment he’s stuck in school. There’s only two weeks left and it’s the first year Peter hasn’t obsessed over finals. He feels pretty confident in himself and knows that even if he doesn’t score top marks it really doesn’t matter, he’s not going to waste his time going to college when he can just continue with his “internship”. No one inside Stark Industries would ever really question Peter, especially since he’s getting “mentored” by Tony himself.

 

Peter snorts, he wonders what people would think about what Tony is _actually_ teaching him. He can’t wait for summer; _“We’ll take a special trip, just you and I to somewhere secluded to celebrate the end of the school year.”_ Tony promised him one night as he pet Peter’s hair and held him close after sex. The boy wouldn’t lie that this is still his favorite part, the satisfaction of knowing that he pleased Tony and the love he felt as he wasn’t pushed away or left alone after fucking was amazing.

 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when his phone pings,

Tony: [I’m so tired :( ]

 

Tony: [Wish you were here}

 

Peter laughs, leave it to his boyfriend to act petulant in the middle of a board meeting.

 

Peter: [We’re still on for lunch right?]

 

Tony: [Yeah..]

 

Peter: [Well I’ll see you then!]

 

Tony: [But baby. I miiiiisssss yooouuuuuu :(((( ]

 

He can’t help giggling, it’s nice to feel this wanted.

 

Peter: [I’m not letting you trick me into dirty texting while you have a meeting]

 

Peter [...not this time at least]

 

Tony: [Fiiiiine. You’re no fun. I’ll see you soon baby :*]

 

Peter: [<3]

 

The younger man decides it’s about time to start getting ready anyway. He has to meet Tony in about an hour for lunch in the office. Considering he’s already sleeping in the Tower he only has about a fifteen minute walk to get to Stark Industries but he doesn’t like to be late. He heads over as soon as he’s ready and he decides to stop at the coffee shop across the street to grab something for the two of them, a nice little surprise since Tony mentioned feeling tired.

 

He walks in and the bell dings overhead. There’s nothing really special about this place, it’s a chain and isn’t ever quiet enough to have a conversation with anyone who works there but Peter doesn’t mind. 

 

Peter gets in line and plays some game on his phone so no one will try to talk to him and lets the noise of the shop fade into the background. The line is a bit long and roughly five minutes pass and he’s barely moved but his eyebrows furrow when his spidey sense kicks in and he doesn’t know why until… until that name rings through the air as the barista calls out the drink, “Quentin! Vanilla latte!” She goes back to work but all of Peter’s world centers around that one word. Without fail… there he is… doing something on his phone like Peter and he grabs the drink without looking up or a world of thanks.

 

It’s been almost ten years since the boy has seen that face. It may be a little bit older, there’s a beard that he never had when he lived next to Peter, but without a doubt it’s Quentin Beck. 

 

_“Oh fuck you feel so fucking good.”_

 

_“You take your Master’s cock so well, look at your tight little hole stretched around my dick.”_

 

_“You’re such a fucking cockslut Peter, say it, tell me how much you love it when I fuck you.”_

 

He can’t fucking breathe.

 

He can’t draw attention to himself. If Beck hasn’t done anything yet, that means he hasn’t seen Peter. Unless he’s trying to set up some sort of trap? No… he seems unaware who is standing in line ten feet away.

 

Would he even recognize Peter as he’s grown up?

 

He doesn’t take another look, he turns and bolts out the door, pulling his hoodie up over his head as he goes. Peter isn’t even aware of where he’s going, he just walks forward. He doesn’t want to risk turning around, allowing any trace of his face to be seen. He ends up several blocks away from the Tower before his brain reboots and he dodges into a side alley and he throws up in a broken sink that’s sitting out there. The shock thrumming through his veins is stronger than any adrenaline he’s felt fighting monsters and aliens that were trying to kill him. New York is a big city but he just assumed Beck had moved away after they parted, Peter’s never seen him and after so many years of slowly developing a sense of security it was just ripped away from him like a blanket from a child.

 

Once he’s emptied the contents of his stomach and has a bit of lucidity he knows he needs to get back to the Tower. He keeps the hoodie on and weaves a zig-zag pattern to get back to his room and it may have taken a bit longer but it was worth it just in case he was followed. By the time he’s coming up the street the Tower is on he’s pretty certain that no one is there ands he trusts his spidey sense to have told him if he didn’t notice someone. 

 

Peter runs back up to the penthouse and once he can lock himself in the bathroom he allows himself to have a break down. He drops to his knees and punches the tiles of the floor which shatter under his knuckles but he doesn’t care. He hears himself mumbling, but he can’t really make out what he’s saying. He wonders if this is the straw that’s going to break his back, if he’s going to lose it completely. How the hell is he supposed to go outside now that he knows Beck is still in the same city as him? Is he going to have to be Spider-Man constantly in order to leave the house so his face will be hidden? He throws up again, even though there’s nothing but bile left in his stomach.

 

He rests his head against the bowl and his breathing become even more shallow his phone dings,

 

Tony: [In my office baby! Let me know when you’re on your way up :) ]

 

Motherfucking bullshit… fuck. In his fear he totally forgot the reason he was even in that coffee shop in the first place was because he was going to get a drink for him and Tony.

 

He comes up with the best excuse he can, even though it’s still pretty weak,

 

Peter: [Sorry, super sick. Can’t leave the tower]

 

Tony: {Shit. Do you need me to come home?]

 

Peter: [No, I just need to stay near a toilet and a bed. I’m sorry]

 

Tony: [No worries baby, I wish I could be there to rub your back]

 

It’s all too much, he breaks down, the tears he’s kept at bay since the shop just pour out of him. He doesn’t deserve Tony, he’s too broken for this,

 

Peter: [Thank you, I don’t want you to get sick though. I’ll see you later]

 

Peter: [Also, I accidentally slipped and put a hole in the bathroom floor. Sorry]

 

He hopes it comes off as a bit playful because he doesn’t need Tony asking questions,

 

Tony: [Lol, damn that super strength XD I don’t care about the floor I’ll get it fixed, I just want you to feel better]

 

He sighs in relief, 

 

Peter: [ty]

 

With whatever strength he has left he drags himself off the floor and proceeds back into the bedroom; however, he can’t bring himself to get into bed. This is his and Tony’s bed, where they spent their time together. Where Tony whispers sweet things in his ear. Where they make love, he can’t stay here.

 

He drags himself to his old spare bedroom down the hallway. It also has a bathroom and his excuse can be that he doesn’t want Tony to get sick. He would leave and go to May’s but he can’t let her see him like this and honestly he doesn’t think he can bring himself to leave the Tower, it feels too dangerous.

 

 _Why is this so hard?_ He thinks as he curls up under the covers and cries into his pillow. It’s not like he hasn’t thought of Beck every day since he’s known him, the memories are always fresh so why was this so different? It’s a visceral feeling and his skin feels like it’s crawling with ants, like he needs to scrape off every bit of himself and he’s never felt so envious of snakes that can shed their skin. 

 

He’s not sure if he’s ever hated being Peter Parker so much as he does in this moment, not even when everything was actively happening to him. He didn’t have Tony to account for back then. The boy wonders what Beck would have done if he had seen him. Would he have tried to talk to Peter? Would he have tried to take him again? 

 

Or would he have just ignored him, the young man too old for his tastes, now he doesn’t have any use for him anymore? And why, out of everything, does that thought bother Peter the most?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to contain explicit, painful flashbacks of what happened to Peter when he was younger. If that bothers you then you can skip it since the gist of what happened is already kind of out there. Also, it might happen again later I can't say at this point so if that bugs you then bail out now.
> 
> Also, if there's anyone who wants to be a beta reader/someone who I bounce ideas off of please let me know! I'm really bad at catching my own mistakes. @tonyandpeterstark on tumblr


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rough chapter you guys. It's a flashback of when Beck and Peter meet and what happens. If that bugs you don't read it, I'll put a tl;dr in the end notes for those of you who want to read the story but don't want to read these sections.
> 
> Also thank you to Allybug for beta-ing.

_ February 14, 2006…  _

 

Peter’s sitting in front of the television on a plush rug in their new apartment. There are still boxes lining the walls and air mattresses in their rooms as they try and get things set up but Peter doesn’t mind, it reminds him of the time they all went camping a few months ago, squished into a small tent by a lake. That was a nice weekend, he got Aunt May and Uncle Ben all to himself since they both took off work. It had been really busy when he moved in with last year after his parents didn’t come home. His Aunt and Uncle had explained to him what had happened and that Peter would be living with them from now on. He didn’t really understand, but he did cry when they told him he couldn’t see his parents again when he had asked, but he loves May and Ben even if he still misses his mom and dad. He was told they had move to be closer to Uncle Ben’s work but he was still sad he wasn’t going to be able to live at home anymore, even if they said it was a “fresh start” for all three of them.

 

He’s engrossed in his show, the Teletubbies dancing around the green pasture they live in. He’s holding his Po doll close, it was one of the last things his mom had gotten him and he loves it so very much, he wouldn’t even let Po get packed when they moved just in case something happened to the box and he lost the toy. His heart hurt and he hugged the little red doll tighter to his chest at the thought of losing it, he couldn’t handle it. Peter can hear his family’s voices floating through from the kitchen but he’s not paying attention enough to hear what they’re saying.

 

May and Ben huddle around the kitchen island, talking quietly with Quentin Beck. The man had been kind enough to give them a hand over the last few days moving their possessions into the apartment. They couple was so appreciative of his help, it’s rare to find a younger man who still has some good, old school manners who’s willing to help out virtual strangers. May had made a pot of coffee and some cookies which she insisted Quentin take some for all his hard work. 

 

“Thank you for everything Quentin, honestly it’s good to know we have a kind soul next door. I’m sorry we don’t have any barstools yet…” Ben says, gesturing to the around aimlessly to the way they have to just stand at the counter.

 

“Oh it’s no worries, I always try to get close to the people living near me, I think it’s important.” Quentin smiles, then takes a sip of his coffee, “So, you guys have any big plans tonight?”

 

May shakes her head, “It’s been so chaotic with the move and getting Peter settled into the new place. We’re just happy we can take a step back to relax.”

 

The younger man raises his eyebrows, almost disbelieving, “But it’s Valentine’s Day! Surely you must want to go and celebrate. How long have you two been married?”

 

“Nearly ten years.” Ben smiles at May softly and slings an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in a little closer to him.

 

“Amazing…” Quentin says, tone one of sincerity, “I always hoped to have something like that one day.”

 

“You’re still young,” Ben laughs, “you have time to date around, find someone you connect with.”

 

Quentin smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “Life just gets in the way sometimes, I’m just focusing on work for now anyway.”

 

“Don’t work too hard.” May says, “Work will always be there, you should enjoy the time you have when you have it.” 

 

Quentin can tell her voice sounds sad and he makes a mental note of it, but that can wait, “I should be telling you the same thing!” He chuckles, “You guys have been working hard too on this move from what you’ve told me, you deserve to go and spoil each other on Valentine’s Day.” He gives an over dramatic, sultry wink and the couple laughs. This is something Quentin has never had trouble doing, if all you had to be in life was charming and smart then he’d already be the CEO of Stark Industries… but he knows to be patient, bide his time.

 

“It would be nice,” She says, a bit of longing in her tone, “but… we have to start unpacking and making sure we get everything set up... “

 

“Ah, I’m sure one night off wouldn’t hurt?” 

 

“And we have no one to watch Peter.” She says in a last-ditch effort of an excuse.

 

_ Ding, ding, ding… we have a winner.  _ Quentin’s mind sounds off and he’s a good enough actor to substitute the smirk that wants to form into a frown, pretending to think hard before looking up, “Well… I can watch him if you want?” He offers.

 

“Oh no, hun I couldn’t ask that of you. You’ve already done so much…”

 

At that, he knows he’s got them. He waves a hand and shrugs modestly, “It’s no problem, I assure you. I actually used to babysit a lot when I was younger. Besides, he doesn’t seem like a handful.” He peeks through the doorway at Peter engrossed in his show and the spark of arousal that shoots through him when he takes in the petite body and the chestnut curls is enough to have him pressing a little closer to the counter just in case his dick decides to make itself known through his clothes.

 

May frowns slightly but looks at Ben, “It’s been awhile since it’s just been us…” she says quietly. Quentin can obviously hear them but he decides to keep occupied by snatching another cookie from the pile.

 

Ben looks up at the man, “Are you sure you don’t mind? I promise we’ll pay you, does forty bucks for the night sound okay? I’d offer you more but with the move, money is a little tight right now.”

 

Again, Quentin waves away their fears, “I wouldn’t mind doing it for free if you promise me you keep making me these amazing cookies.” He intentionally says through another mouthful.

 

May laughs and Ben shrugs, Quentin leaves them to get ready and goes back to his place. He’s not nervous, he’s done this too many times to be nervous about it and he has his routine nailed down to a T. But he is anxious, it’s been awhile since he’s seen someone as beautiful as the boy next door. He looks like a painted cherub from some Renaissance artist. Quentin has been watching him for awhile, playing with his toys as May and Ben frantically try to get settled. Peter is shy, quiet, and has the best puppy dog eyes he’s ever seen without trying. And that mouth… fuck-

 

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door and he knows it’s showtime. He follows his neighbors back to their place and he gets ready to meet this gorgeous kid. May goes on and on about Peter's bedtime schedule and he does his best to focus, not wanting to fuck up on his first night, he wants to make sure this won't be the last one. When they head into the living room Peter is still watching Teletubbies and holding his toy close, the picture of absolute perfection.

 

May crouches down next to him and Quentin follows suit; watching as she taps his shoulder and those beautiful, brow eyes are darting between them, “Quentin, this is out nephew, Peter.”  _ Nephew… that’s interesting.  _ Once again, he stores that question for another time, “And Peter this is Quentin, our neighbor, he’s going to watch you tonight, okay?” 

 

Peter’s eyes are still looking back and forth and Quentin has never considered a child suspicious before but that’s what it seems like. The boy forgoes talking to him to ask a question, “Where are you going?” He asks his Aunt.

 

“Ben and I are just going to run out to dinner.”

 

“Why can’t I come?” The boy pouts but so far Quentin is impressed with his vocabulary, his diction, it seems like this kid should be much, much older than he looks.

 

“It’s too late honey, we won’t be gone for long. I promise.”

 

It seems Peter knows when he’s beat because he nods, “You’ll come back though?”

 

“We’ll see you in the morning Pete, Mr. Beck is going to put you down for bed but when you wake up we’ll be back.” Even Quentin can see that the tone is a bit condescending, Peter may be young but he isn’t stupid. The man isn’t surprised to hear him pipe back up.

 

“But… you will come back, right?” Peter asks with such an earnestness that the man doesn’t understand until he sees the tears in May’s eyes and slowly the clues he’s collected over the night slot into place.

 

May tries to steady her voice, “Of course Peter. I promise, we will see you in the morning,” after a deep breath she smiles and adds on, “Maybe if you’re very good for Mr. Beck he will let you have a cookie.”

 

That definitely makes the boy perk up and he smiles, “Okay!”

 

She kisses the top of his head and tells him she loves him, then Ben comes in and does the same thing. With a last word of thanks to Quentin they head out the door.

 

Quentin sits next to Peter who’s returned to his show and the man considers him. He can’t push too fast with this one, he can sense it. The boy is too smart for his own good and while the challenge excites him he has to play this carefully if he wants to make sure the boy won’t rat him out. That would be bad for both of them.

 

“You like this show, huh?” He asks, trying to engage the kid, get a feel for him.

 

“Mhm.” Is all he gets in response. So, demure but not totally untrusting. He can work with that.

 

He debates on what to ask him. Parents seems like it would be a bad route right now. Maybe school? Does he even go to school? “How old are you Peter?”

 

“‘M four.” He says, his ‘r’ sound not super pronounced like the rest of his words and he doesn’t know if that has to do with his age or his New York accent but either way it makes his cock twitch in his pants.

 

He doesn’t know how to engage the boy who seems far more interested in his show. His brain continues to cycle through the normal questions but comes up blank, Peter seems too mature for that. Quentin settles on, “Why are we sitting on the floor?” to which Peter just shrugs, “Do you want to move to the couch?” Another shrug, maybe a different kind of tactic is in order, “If we go sit on the couch I can go grab you that cookie?” And those are the magic words apparently because Peter is already standing up.

 

Quentin laughs and goes to the kitchen to get the promised treat and he flops down on the couch next to the boy when he comes back and Peter reaches out for the sweet but he raises his hand up instead, “Ah, ah, ah. You don’t want to get your fingers all dirty do you? Then you’ll get Po dirty too.” He teases and pokes the doll with his free hand.

 

“But… you said I could have it?” That pout is back and damn, those lips are just perfect, made to be used. Quentin is almost fully hard now and he can’t believe how quick this kid can get him there.

 

“I have a better idea, come here.” He pats his knee and holds out his arm, Peter doesn’t question it and comes crawling into his lap. He pretends to shift around so he can position the boy’s lovely little ass over his erection, those tiny legs swung over his thigh, and he has to bite his lip to stop himself from moaning, “I’ll hold the cookie and you can take bite so you don’t get your hands messy.”

 

Peter frowns but doesn’t question it, it’s not that unusual for someone to hold out food for him to take a bite and he really wants that cookie. He leans forward, still looking sideways at Quentin and once he takes a bite Mr. Beck rumbles, “Good boy.”

 

His attention returns to the screen and he keeps up like that, staring at the screen while eating the bites Mr. Beck holds up to his mouth until the treat is gone. It isn’t until then he notices it feels like he’s being rocked back and forth in the man’s lap, it feels kind of nice and he rests the side of his head on his shoulder and decides to vocalize what he’s thinking to Mr. Beck, “I like rocking.”

 

Quentin is biting his cheeks so hard he feels like he might make it bleed, he so close to blowing his load right here it’s ridiculous he feels like a teenager again. He reaches up and traces the boy’s lips with a chocolate-sticky finger, “Open up, Peter.” He murmurs quietly into the boys hair.

 

“Why?" And shit, why does Peter have to question everything?

 

“Because I was being nice and holding your cookie so you could be clean but now look, I have chocolate on my fingers. It’s only fair.” He uses his parenting voice that leaves no room for argument. Peter opens his mouth and when Quentin slides his fingers in he sucks them hard and the man thinks he might die here and now. He wants to prolong it though, letting the boy lick and suck on every finger even if they aren’t covered in chocolate, by the time Peter is done he can barely hold it any longer.

 

“I’m gonna move you buddy, okay?” He doesn’t wait for a response before he’s shifting Peter to straddle him, facing the tv. It’s sloppy, but the passion he feels for this one is too much for him to resist pushing, “I’ll keep rocking you I promise.”

 

Quentin hold his waist in his palms and he’s so small that his fingertips touch and it takes everything for him not to cuss. He pulls Peter’s hips backwards and forwards over his straining dick, slightly arching his hips up into the boy.

 

Peter starts up again, “What… what are…?” Quentin shushes him though, continuing to grind against his clothed ass.

 

“Just rocking you, you said you liked that, right Peter?”

 

“But, it’s…” He doesn’t know what to say, he does like rocking but the way his hips are moving and how stretched his legs are feels weird.

 

He’s so close, Quentin closes his eyes and imagines what the boy will look like spread out naked in bed, virgin body on display for the taking and fuck… that’s it for him and he groans just a little into Peter’s neck. He can feel his briefs become wet with his spend and that’s the hardest he’s cum in awhile and he wasn’t even fucking anything. God, this kid is going to be so good for him.

 

In his post-orgasm haze he hears Peter whimper and it cuts through. That was idiotic, risky on his part and he has to make sure he hasn’t scared the boy off. He already knows that he’s never going to be satisfied until he’s able to fuck this kid to his heart’s content, “Peter? What’s wrong?”

 

“My legs hurt.” He says quietly, almost like he’s afraid of making Quentin mad and that’s definitely something he can use.

 

“I’m sorry, buddy.” He shifts so Peter is on the couch next to him so he can make sure his cum didn’t leak through his jeans and onto Peter, “I didn’t know. I thought we were having fun.” Quentin certainly was enjoying himself.

 

“It was,” he says quickly, “just… hurt.” 

 

“Alright, we won’t do that again.” He stands and stretches, he needs a new pair of jeans, “Tell you what, why don’t you keep watching your show, it’s bedtime after this one anyway. I have to go get something and I promise if you don’t move you’ll be happy with the surprise I’m going to get.” Peter nods eagerly and smiles at him and Quentin can’t wait to cover his face in his seed.

 

The man runs next door to quickly switch out his pants and underwear. He cleans himself up as fast as he can, he’ll take care of the laundry later. He gets back to Peter about ten minutes later and grabs another cookie and sits next to him, “Look what you get for being such a good listener.” He smiles and puts a finger to his lips, “I don’t know if you’re allowed to have another so this is gonna be our little secret, alright?”

 

Peter giggles and nods, then leans into take a bite right from the man’s hand without Quentin even having to ask and maybe this is the closest to feeling love he will ever get. His cock tries to make a valiant return but it’s a good thing that he’s able to ignore it for now, he doesn’t have time for another quick change.

 

Once the show is over Quentin turns off the TV and gathers Peter up in his arms, the boy barely weighs anything and he needs to avoid thinking about all the things he could do with that. They go through the bedtime routine and get Peter in his jammies and his teeth brushed. He tucks the boy into his air mattress and gives him Po to snuggle with, then feeling a little daring Quentin gives him a kiss on his cheek. The boy doesn’t really react to that one way or another which is good, that means he probably thinks it’s normal. Before closing the door to he calls out, “Goodnight, Peter.”

 

“Goodnight, Mr. Beck.” Comes the sleepy reply and fondness swells in his heart.

 

For the next hour he channel surfs but nothing holds his attention. HIs thoughts are locked on how soft Peter’s skin is, how sweet his voice sounds. Eventually May and Ben get home and Quentin smiles at them, “Enjoy your date?”

 

“Oh yes, you won’t believe how much we just needed alone time to just talk. Thank you Quentin.” Ben says and May pulls out the money from her purse.

 

Quentin doesn’t argue and pockets it, knowing it would be weirder if he tried to refuse, “Peter was a doll. You’ve got a good kid on your hands. If you ever need a sitter again let me know, it’s not a hardship at all.”

 

“Thank you Quentin. We’ll for sure take you up on that, we’re so lucky to have found you.” She says and Ben gives him a nod and a smile before heading to the living room.

 

He thinks that it’s really him who’s the lucky one, “I’m nothing special, I just try to help where I can,” he feigns being humble, “mind if I grab a cookie for the road?” 

 

She laughs again, “Take as many as you want, please. And thank you again.”

 

He shakes her hand and grabs a few cookies on his way out. His mind is stuck on Peter, how he’s going to work with this boy because he can tell there is a lot hiding beneath that surface. He just has to break through and gain his trust, but from what he saw tonight that should be easy, Peter seems to be a pleaser and oh… that is just going to be perfect once Quentin can get his claws in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tl;dr - May and Ben move into a new apartment, Beck is their neighbor. He gains their trust and they let him babysit Peter. He's done this before but there's something different about this boy. Beck dry humps Peter and gets off even though the boy doesn't know what's happening and doesn't think too long about it even though he seems smarter than his peers. This will obviously happen again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a filler chapter and I'm sorry it took so long but I keep getting sick off and on and it's been a struggle to write. I'm working with my lovely beta Allybugg to try and map out the next few chapter so it doesn't feel rushed but pushes the plot along.

Tony’s knee bounces through the rest of the meeting. Pepper keeps giving him dirty looks every time he looks at his phone but he isn’t checking the time. He doesn’t want to bug Peter, but he wishes the boy would write him more. He just wants to be at home by the kid’s side, the anxiety he feels knowing the boy is hurting and he can’t help is killing him. It seems like hours later the meeting is finally over (even if it was probably only about thirty minutes) and he stands up, saying he will need to talk over the details with Pepper before they go through with any certain plans. Truth be told he was barely paying attention and from the look she gives him, his CEO knows that fact… but he can’t care about any of this right now, he needs to get home.

 

Tony gives Pepper a grateful smile on his way out and he knows she will ask questions later but that doesn’t matter at the moment. He texts happy before he even exits the conference room and the man is waiting for him in a car when he gets downstairs. As Tony approaches Happy gets out, leaving the drivers side door open and moving to occupy the passenger side seat. Happy scoffs when Tony takes off like a bat out of hell and yanks his seatbelt across his body, “Any reason why we are trying to die today?” He says dryly.

 

“Peter’s sick.” Tony’s voice is tight, and Happy knows now is not the time for jokes.

 

“Ah, well I’m sure he’s okay.”

 

The other man ignores him and pulls his sunglasses on, “Call someone that can fix tile too.”

 

Happy side-eyes him, “Do I even want to know?”

 

\---

 

They pull up to the tower about fifteen minutes later. Even Tony Stark can’t avoid New York traffic unless he’s in his suit but no matter how much he wanted to get back to Peter he didn’t think the boy would appreciate him busting through the window. 

 

He moves swiftly through the tower as Happy goes to park the car. He taps his foot on his way up to the penthouse as if it would make the elevator move faster. Immediately, when he exits he makes a beeline for his bedroom but frowns when he finds it empty. The bathroom is the next place he checks and he sees the broken tiles but no Peter.

 

Now he’s starting to worry. He wouldn’t have left right? No… but could he have been taken. Tony has to steady himself, take a deep breath. The odds of that are extremely low, Peter can defend himself and there’s no evidence of a break in. He starts searching every room and fails to find Peter on the couch, near the tv, or in the other bathroom. When he finds Peter curled up under the covers in the guest bedroom it makes his heart ache. Why is Peter in here? Is he so sick that he went to the wrong bed? When he gets closer he realizes the boy’s face is splotchy, like he’s been crying. Perhaps it’s just from throwing up? He doesn’t understand what’s going on but something just feels… wrong. Off. But he doesn’t know exactly what it is. Like a dream that keeps fading the more he tries to think about it. 

 

Tony sighs and slips out of his suit until he’s just left in his boxers and he lays next to Peter, wraps his body around him, hoping he can do something to ease his boy.

 

\---

 

The first thing Peter realizes is he can’t breathe. He jerks hard and his eyes fly open and all he can tell is someone is squeezing him. He startles and throws himself away from the figure next to him, the only thing running through his mind right now is  _ Beck.Beck.Beck. He’s come back. _ He scrambles away on the floor and throws his hands up in front of his face, scrunching his eyes shut, feeling every bit like the toddler he once was, “Please… don’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He begs.

 

However, the pain he expects doesn’t come and the rushing in his ears start to fade to be replaced by the sound of soft shushing. When he finally blinks his eyes open Tony’s face swims before him, “T-Tony?”

 

“Hey, kiddo. You okay, Pete? You scared me today…”

 

“I-I’m sorry. I was going to come but I just, I got so sick and… I must’ve fallen asleep.” His eyes are downcast and Tony can tell in this vulnerable moment that there’s something more but he doesn’t want to press his younger lover. Obviously, he wants to but Peter has clearly had a bad day and Tony doesn’t want to add to it, he needs to be supportive. At least he’s used to Peter’s nightmares by now.

 

There is something he needs to know, “Why were you in the guest room? I saw the broken tile in our bathroom…”

 

And Peter flinches. That word, “our”, it’s too intimate right now. For the first time Peter truly realizes this was a mistake. He doesn’t deserve someone like Tony. He deserves to be alone and because one day his superheroing is going to kill him if Beck doesn’t first… but Beck. Peter never thought he’d ever see him again after so many years. What was the man doing in New York?

 

That’s a question for another time though, right now he just needs to appease Tony. If there’s anything he knows how to do it’s how to lie and cover his tracks, “I… didn’t want to throw up on our bed if I got sick again.” And there’s that word again.

 

“Our”.

 

It feels wrong now, like he’s encroaching on Tony’s life.

 

Tony seems to relax slightly and nods, “I understand. But baby I was scared something had happened to you.”

 

“I’m sorry Tony.” He croaks and he can feel the tears returning, he’s barely better than a leaky faucet at the moment.

 

“No Peter it’s fine, I’m just worried about you.” Tony scrutinizes his boy while keeping a blank face. If he wasn’t looking for it, if Peter wasn’t trying to hide it, he would’ve missed the way his eyes widen a fraction and how he swallows quickly. Or maybe Tony is just trying to sabotage himself… trying to find a reason to push Peter away.

 

“I’m just tired.” He says, voice clear this is the end of the conversation.

 

“Are you hungry at all?”

 

Peter turns his face to the side, retching slightly, and shakes his head, “No thank you. I’d just like to sleep if you don’t mind.”  It’s the truth, he can’t imagine eating right now.

 

“Okay baby, I’ll take you to bed-”

 

“Here is fine.” Peter interrupts and Tony’s brows pull together when he looks down at the boy he’s still holding close, “Just in case again. And I don’t want you to get sick.”

 

“Nonsense.” Tony says more firmly than he should. Something about the way Peter is so insistent about staying away from their bed right now sets his teeth on edge. He isn’t going to leave his little spider all alone.

 

Peter huffs but doesn’t argue as Tony carries him down the hallway. He’s a bit upset actually. The fact Tony won’t respect his wishes, but he knows the man doesn’t understand what he’s going through. Knows that if he explained the reason why it’s so difficult to feel Tony’s touch relates to the man in the cafè but he could never tell Tony that. The man would look at him so differently, maybe he wouldn’t even want to touch Peter anymore. Maybe he would realize Peter is too damaged to fuck anymore, or maybe he would not touch Peter out of some sense of kindness, afraid he’s going to set him off.

 

When they reach the bed Peter scoots to the edge of the bed and pulls the blankets up shivering slightly. When Tony asks if he can get him anything he shakes his head and shifts into the bed, for all intents and purposes falling asleep. Tony gently pets his hair then places a kiss on his temple. He can’t tell if the boy is actually asleep but he obviously doesn’t want to talk. Tony gets up and decides he’ll give him some space and he heads for the kitchen to cook up some bland rice and toast, hopefully Peter will feel better around dinner time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are my lifeblood! Please let me know if there's anything you want to see in particular, maybe I'll include it in later chapters <3

**Author's Note:**

> Title from this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWwenlKOmxU Doesn't have anything to do with the plot I just liked the name lol


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